An Evening Wasted

I am embarrassed that these blogs are time stamped. However, being the first day of a new blog, I feel I deserve the privilege of being indulged. I want to play with with my new toy. 

And I have some very exciting news! I recently (approx 3mins ago) discovered the Most Undesirable, Repulsing Pungent, Yet Nutritiously Wholesome Sandwich In The Universe, Ever. You'll see it in next years Guinness World Records Book. Swear. 

I just wanted a bowl of soup. I was hungry. Famished. So starved, in fact, that it could only be the Munchies. I put too much soup in the bowl. I nuked it for 4 minutes. Still cool. Another 2. Gazed into the fridge, past jars and bowls and a bit of roast beef. Noticed some cheese, a roll of it. I pulled it out and nibbled the corner. It tasted like apricot infused blue vein. I don't like blue vein. However, although at the initial taste the flavour appalled me, by the time I swallowed, I was quite enjoying the experience. My stomach rumbled. The microwave beeped and I checked the soup. Warm, but give it another 2, there is chicken in it. I put the roll of cheese on the bench and a loaf of cheap white bread beside it. I stared at these two ingredients for a time, perhaps considering if a third was needed, perhaps slipping into a vertical coma for a few moments. Again, the microwaved beeped. I popped open the door and touched the side of the bowl. Too hot. I left it to cool a moment and gazed back into the fridge. Sun-dried tomatoes. Why not? I placed the oil-slicked jar on the bench beside the bread, laid out two slices, and crumbled the orange-flecked white cheese onto them. Then, careful to drain most the oil with a fork, I placed slices of tomato on top of the cheese. 

Remembering my soup, I used a tea-towel to carry it from the microwave. I lifted my sandwich plate with my other hand and tip-toed to my bedroom. I started on the soup first, but soon got board, imagining the intense flavours on the bread exploding onto my tongue. I pushed the bowl away and pulled the sandwich closer. Before taking a bite, though, it occurred to me that the sandwich would be cold, what with the ingredients coming straight from the fridge and all. I decided that some zucchini and rice from my luke-warm left-over soup would do the trick. Careful not to scoop up any broth, I layered the veggies and the rice on top of the sun-dried tomatoes. Leaning over my plate to avoid dripping oil onto my pajamas, I took a bite. Still famished, I barely chewed before swallowing and taking another into my mouth. By the fourth or fifth bite, however, already with a healthy puddle of herb-infused oil expanding on my plate, the sensation of the food in my mouth expanded. No longer just sustenance, or a hygienically chewable object, the sandwich was erupting along my taste-buds, sweet, salty, sour, too cold, hot. I considered what I was holding. A thin strip of zucchini skin hung between thin, saturated slices of slightly stale bread and beside a chunk of semi-melted cheese with a cube-of-dried-apricot centerpiece. I hesitated, then took another bite. The textures meshed against my tongue, slick, slimy, granular goop. Another bite. Another. With two bites left I pause. I glance around for my water bottle. It is by my bed. I consider getting it. I would need to move from my chair, from my heater, take at least five steps, each way. Too hard. I returned to the sandwich. Almost there. I never considered not eating it. Two mouthfuls, chewed quickly, and it was gone. Opening my window wide, I lit a stick of incense and a cigarette. Mum would kill me, if she knew. 

The impact of my discovery hit me, as I sat before my empty, dirty plate, smoking. I realised that I had stumbled upon The Most Undesirable, Repulsing Pungent, Yet Nutritiously Wholesome Sandwich In The Universe, Ever. I rushed to inform the good people at Guinness World Records. I expect to hear back from them by the end of business hours tomorrow. Then I rushed to inform you, dear Blog, of the Most Important Development In An Evening Wasted.